A Heartbreak of Goodbyes

A  Breakup Letter with my Anxiety 

Dear Anxiety,

       Looking back on our relationship, we’ve had our ups and downs. Me mostly down, you mostly up. You’ve tried your best but the thing is, your best usually is what puts me at my worst. I don’t know if you’re the fend everyone claims you are, but you are just not getting it. I can’t live like this anymore constantly in your shadow. You are the one who always gets to stand in the sun while I’m back hiding in the shadows. I wish you could act as a motivator, but it’s not in your nature.

       We’ve known each other for a long time. At this point, it’s stranger for you not to be there than for you to be. You’re like the two little figures in movies that sit on the actors’ shoulders and tell them right from wrong only you just tell me everything I’m doing wrong or everything that could go wrong. You always act as a constant reminder of the ways I’ve messed up or the ways I could be better. You always pick at my faults making me forget everything that’s good about me.

        I’m tired of the constant weight you put on my shoulders. Day in and day out nagging at me. Telling me what I could have done better what I should have done differently. I’m sick and tired of you making me run different scenarios in my head replaying events over and over like a movie on repeat. I’ve let you take the reins and have control for far too long. It’s your turn to take the back seat and let me have a chance with the steering wheel. Sure, I may have a few bumps and bruises along the way but that’s better than letting you convince me to hide out in my room all the time. My room is no longer a safe space anymore because of you. I’ve let you turn my world, my brain even, into a cage. It’s because of you that sometimes I feel like I can’t even trust my own mind like I’m going crazy.

       That’s why I’m writing this letter to you Anxiety because I’ve finally found the key that will unlock this cage you’ve put me in. You thought that you’d always have the power, but I’ve finally taken control. I know you thought I didn’t have it in me, but I did. So now it’s time for you to be the one to change. I hate to say it but you’re an outdated model. It’s your turn to bend to my will.

       You must change or you need to go. I know this might sound like it’s coming on suddenly, but it’s not. This is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. We’ve spent a lot of time together me and you Anxiety, but I think we might have to part ways. We just want different things in our lives right now. It might take some time, and I know the break will hurt when it comes, but I do think it’s for the best. This is my breakup letter to you Anxiety, and trust me when I say it’s not me, it was always you.

Sincerely,

Me